Let’s be honest…

I always have these grand ideas and schemes. But they never seem to get passed the planning phase, or the first step. Because, in short, I’m a quitter. And I’m slowly learning that there’s no shame in admitting it; the shame lies in allowing it to continue.

Being a quitter by nature, I still have some vague notion that my potential could be AMAZING (don’t we all though), so… I figure it’s about time to try to live up to it. Any of it, even the smallest part of it. Which means I cannot back down. This could be the worst idea of my life, or the greatest.

Background might help, perhaps. The entirety of my relatively short life (how short isn’t the point here, or the fact it’s not as short as I feel it is… well… I’m still off 25 by… two years… *sigh* whoops, rant…) has been spent living in a small…ish… town near Sydney, Australia. Two years ago, I travelled overseas for a month; huge deal for me, loved it, always planned on going back. Didn’t figure that it would be for a max. of two years, however. The idea was that I would go back again this year, for four months. I agonised over this decision, despite wanting to go, all because I wasn’t fully willing to do it alone. And then, roughly… four months, less probably, and thanks to a few recurring characters in my life (aka friends and colleagues), I decided to MOVE to London. To live, to work, to grow up a little. Not to say I want to come back with an extensive knowledge of mortgages and the ins and outs of… I don’t know, Wall St... but I mean… to learn to be stronger, and survive on my own. And, again, to be honest… because something had to change.

Luckily, I’m not going to be alone in this, as I have a friend doing the same thing. So we can both freak out together when the time comes, but I’m getting ahead of myself here. Before we get to the new life kind of stuff, I’ve got a lot of hanging around to do. So, as of 8.30am GMT + 10 yesterday, I’ve had 4 hours sleep… damn planes… two long flights later, and I’m sitting in my sister’s lounge room in the Netherlands. So there’s a bit of downtime before “real life” hits, which is good, but it also means there will be more “oh shit, what am I doing” moments… which comprises of the first half of this… entry?? Eh… anyway. Feeling better about it now. What was the point again? Jetlag. Yes, messes with your mind a bit. I haven’t had much time to really think about what I’m doing here, and that was one of the first of many times where I’ll question it and think of turning back. Which, there you go, brings us back to the point. I can’t give up this time. And, hopefully, I’ll actually stick to updating you all (ha, no one reads this!) on here. And maybe I’ll actually go through with it when I say I’m going to review (not really) a concert or an experience.

Next week I’m going to Berlin to see Slipknot… and then Munich to see Linkin Park. Also (and I found this out this morning after landing, during that weird hyper phase of delirium) I get to meet Linkin Park before the show… again 🙂 *sigh* another idea that never got off the ground… they had one of their International Summits last year in Sydney, which I was lucky enough to attend. I started writing about it, and four pages in, I hadn’t even gotten past the backstage tour, let alone to the actual meeting. Long story short, awesome. And, after never ever imagining that I would meet the people being this music that means so damn much to me, I now get a second chance to do it right (meaning… not act like a nervous douchebag… ha… I’ll let you know how that goes).

So… there’s a few things to look forward to. Still time to stress about this decision. About what I should and shouldn’t worry about. But I suppose all I can do is just take it as it comes. Another learning curve.

Hmm… friendly warning kiddies… don’t fly and blog. You come out with some strange stuff that maybe doesn’t even mean anything in the end.

Well, at least it filled in some time. And I don’t feel as… lost.

Ah, speak of the devil. Numb just came on the radio. Thanks guys. You’re saving me again.


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